It’s All Gone

Dear God,

How much more can I take?

You wouldn’t know it from the looks of my Judy’s Homegrown website, but I used to be a political junkie.

I used to run a website called whose mission was to fix congress. It ran from September 1st, 2011 through December 31, 2012. I had all the congressional districts listed, with all the candidates running in each district, all the candidates running for senate in each state (there were 33 seats in the senate open), and even all the Presidential candidates listed, with their platforms.

I had asked each candidate to sign a Pledge for Honest Candidates, asking them to remove money from politics. I put a red star by the names of those people who were honest enough to say that money didn’t matter to them, and that serving our country was more important than a high-paying lobbying job after they left congress.

I also posted roughly 320 blog posts over that time.

When the 2012 election was over, and it was time to renew my website, my developer who was hosting the site wanted to charge $900 for the next year. Since my website hadn’t taken off as I had expected, and since I couldn’t afford to keep it going at that rate, I tried moving it to a host for safekeeping until my book was published (the one I’m writing now about my experiences.) If my book took off, the website might get some attention (read: donations) and I’d be back in business.

The migration did not go well, and I have no website now. But even more sadly, my blog is gone, along with the history of it: what date each post came online, in what order.

How much more can a person take, God? All that work? Gone?

I know that people say things happen for a reason. I think the reasons are this: one, I am meant to have difficulties that seem insurmountable so that I can rise above it. And two: nothing in life is permanent, not even our memories. We are just a flicker, and then we are gone.

I am not dead yet, but I think I understand what it feels like to be dead. If I thought my work was done here, I would not care about the blog or the website I had created. But if anybody cares about our world, and I think you should, then you should be weeping for what I tried to do but failed.

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